Tag Archives: culture

life

warning: this post is annoyingly personal and contains a lot of the usual lovelylollipop’s drama lol

*sigh*  I’m kind’a back, not really but I feel the need to speak/write something, I have been avoiding it on purpose, mostly out of a huge sentiment of guilt, spiced up with some shame and more guilt 😛

where were we last time?  I think it was when I traveled to Mexico City (I’m from Guatemala) when things started to mix and mess in my real life. Coming back was hard and mostly complex but the change was done and aside of long work hours things were looking okay the first month (october). I came here to fix Zara’s legal status as her dad is mexican and needed to resign custody for me to have the freedom to move around and travel with her… which basically meant she left my country ilegally (dad needed to sign her out of Guatemala but he couldn’t)… we cross the river 😛

anyway, that’s not why I stopped writting/drawing, at first the pause was due to lack of means, I mean, either I had no laptop, or internet acces, then I had no time (two shifts at work) and the lilk time I had, I used to be with family and talk to Leny (text via phone)… but the reason I stopped writting was cuz Leny and I ended up our relationship, and about that, I just have to say that it was all on me and I’m still not over it.

So, I’m sorry about the long pause and I’m even more sorry cuz I’m selfish enough to come back the minute I feel the imperius need to share and write, so feel free to give me the finger and pass over this 😛 seriously I understand and there no harsh feelings 🙂

Zara is great, happy as ever and Lily ended up being a male cat instead of a girl cat as formerly thought, so the cat is huge and he is still named Lily… I’m happy and missing yall as hell.

Lots of hugs to all 🙂

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this model will be performed in bodypaint the next May 30 at the 7mo Encuentro de Maquillaje Corporal Fonanbules en el Centro de Mexico Contemporaneo by yours trully. It’s possibly one of the few things I’ve done this past 6 months.  Represents a kite, the theme of the show is “Language ann tongues” and my concept is about the giant kites that are elevated to the sky on Novemeber first in Guatemala, it’s called “Words to the Gods” cuz our kites are used to send “telegrams” either to deities or ancestors in the sky.

 

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Chimera on the eyes of petl

chimera

Why mom? , lil Petl asked as she often did.

Mom looked up from her task for the first time, she twisted her lips, like she always did when she was thinking, so lil Petl remained quiet, knowing a response was coming soon.

Finally Mom spoke,- Well, what do you need to do if you want an apple?

Lil Petl was a bit dissapointed, but answered anyway, – I’d have to climb up to the nearest branch and get the apple.

That’s right,- Mom said, with her soft calmed tone. – And would you like a stranger to come and tell you, you can’t pick the apple up?

No,- lil Petl replied sincerely and withour hesitation.- I like apples.

Well they don’t like people to tell them, they can just pick up the apples. They like to believe they have to work hard for an apple as much as you like to believe the tree likes giving you the apples.- Mom said finally, looking back to her colored labor.

*****

Mixed media on paper

Petl is based on a story Leny gave me as a bday gift few years ago.

Chimera Prompt here https://inkfell.wordpress.com/2013/09/06/chimera-content/

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teacher (culture)

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have I made you feel worthless? do I make you feel rejected?  do I? good, if you weren’t a pampered, spoiled brat, you’d be conquering your lacks and weakness to better yourself and be something of worth.

oh! but you believe you worth, just by existing, ha! I invented religion to bond yall together in a similar purpose, but now religion has convinced you, that your sole existence, as a “created ” being, attach some value to your meaningless organism. talk about fireback.

I created words for you, I gave you language to learn, as a tool for technology, for you to learn together and improve your ways of life, and you twisted my invention into a vapid blabering.

I created love for you, to make the mechanic act of breeding, something prettier, I created love to make you bond in strong social structures, yet you misrepresent love as sex, love was created by me, not long ago to protect your properties, your social groups, your offspring.

what is it in you, that I haven’t shaped? what’s in you, that hasn’t been inherited from your ancestors? what makes you a worthy, special and unique creature? ha!

I was never meant to be a protective mother like Earth, or the contemplative, insipid spinster the Moon is.  I am a merciless master, a strict teacher, the obnoxious supervisor and the only path to a higher plane.

I am here to pin your selfindulgent nature down, I’m here to impose discipline on your instant gratification desire. do my chains wound your pride?  good, the more you bleed, the more you learn.

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abusive couple

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the brutal struggle to finally dominate and subjugate the other.

selfishness only recognize self needs, wants and emotions, so each of them live within a reality where, the “opponent ” only exist to pose a constant threaten.  non of them keeps consciousness of being the abuser, in each of their minds, they’re defending themselves.

blinded by fearful paranoia, they attack the other, over and over, nature using the powerful strength of its muscles, culture the unrelenting torture of guilt and emotional distress.

mutual dependence, once shared origin, lost for good in the never ending heat of their rage, buried under layers of cold fear.

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Creation (myth, prompt)

when she got pregnant, earth swelled in long gestation of hermaphroditic Turmoil. her pores poured to create and shape new oceans. her mountains swelled with skin twisting and rippling from uncontrollable urges. neither heaven nor sun could placate her insatiable need to mother. Eons past with valleys rising from seas. and mounds and mounts erupting from her depths; the baby-kicks of life.

she gave birth in a conflicting euphoria of pain and ecstasy as the culmination of circumstance inevitability brought her a child. sun, moon, and heaven gathered around to witness and celebrate the new addition, lovingly named “Turmoil” but turmoil wasn’t as pleasant as the family hoped.

the child attacked itself. physically self mutilating, and occasionally engaging in self-cannibalism. it literally began to tear itself apart with frighteningly nonsensical sounds. unlike the former family who found themselves to simply be, this child struggled and fought clenching desperately at the thin thread of sanity- of meaning- it could find. harvesting a bit of it’s mother out remarkable force of will to just continue to be.

one of the first fleshy threads torn from Turmoil, became the plant life. Turmoil tore it from self to try to mitigate individual need for resource harvesting. so it tore a barely mindful sliver of self and spread it around the world. in the tear, Turmoil became far more animal than before, ceding and seeding the basal aspect of life as we know it. which mother has helped birth, support, and raise, ever since- an act of recognition and caring for the aspiration’s of her child.

Turmoil was free from allot of the responsibility of divinity at last. it, through plantlife, created the first worshipers who like worshipers today, need divine guidance and nourishment. worshipers to allow (a) greedy thief to abscond with all the caloric wealth.

but eventually with the introspective circumstance caused by the loneliness. it noticed how selfless- and vile the former selfmutilation was. it tore from itself the wrongs of circumstance, psychopathically othering them into a group where one no longer cared about their suffering. there were conflicting identites and perceptions of self- what one is against what one has done. it couldn’t undo the tearing of plants from self. yet it needed to reconcile one’s similarity to divine kind, while simultaneously acting in petulant and needy manner. with recognition of self as a fraud, the character tore deep into itself, trying once again to separate good from evil- or rather pretense from need. the same tool used in the same method- but expecting different results.

it looked into the wavering calm of a forested lake, a gift from heaven. and recognized itself in the reflection. “maybe if i just take some more, i’m so fat and grizzled”

this time it tore in three:

  • herbivores,

  • the predator,

  • the spirit

the herbivores were subconscious beings of fear. they lacked the rigor of the previous trials, the taste for flesh, and any resemblance of higher rational faculties. they were formed from the drops of blood dripping from the now two legged Turmoil.

also Turmoil, in this split, had acquired classical gonads. the male form coming from an uneven tear of skin.

the male retained most of the consciousness of the change and so unlike the female, had more beastial structure. a skull more like that of a crocodile, and the herbivore relatives, than the ‘personal’ female.

still this didn’t fix the internal strife of male turmoil. so he exiled from self the:

  • scavengers, like herbivores, not befitting his ego,

  • dietary preferences/wants/needs in conflict within about what to eat/hunt – in the form of different predatory species.

  • non-necessary wants. exiling the risky and grandiose extravagances, in favor of control.

keeping the best, and most powerful traits for himself. this process was long and painful, and created intense conditioning- soon he forgot about his split gender. in favor of the id’s basal desire to posture and dominate. he forgot that the origin of need of ‘her’ came from need of self to be okay. and that posturing to ‘her’ was just less audible reverberations of the need for cogent integrity.

meanwhile, she wasn’t of less conflict although the struggle was physically less dramatic. she had assumed far greater proportion of self hatred, and with it tied to less tacit traits, and more conflict of perceived equal weight but in opposing directions making the internal disagreements in her mind without finality- without resolution.

so when she similarly tore, much of the tearing was without pattern.

from the conceited love of self came the narcissistic hate of self through frustration towards topical incapacity. “i can’t shine like the sun, love like the moon, care like the earth, or design like the rain; so who/what am i?”

eventually he and she remet. and as one does when they find a complementary form, they were struck first by awe, then love. she was so lovely he didn’t even remember her, and was enchanted by the new character. she had torn herself from earthly form to mysty spirit, a vision and mirage of the former self both sought to reclaim.

but things were not filled with glimmering joy for long. for they only knew how to abuse, how to be predatory. attempting to eliminate weakness and vulnerability as though such fitness was without cost.

he had become beastial terror- Nature himself. while she had become a whispy spirit who had similarly unconsciously honed her capacity to inflict emotional guilt, she had become a banshee culture herself.

because they had been alone for so long, even when previously together and not realizing it, they never learned to care sufficiently for others. so each naturally would exert harm upon the other unintentionally and get surprised when there was recompense.

and so they fight in an eternal ironic conflict:

  • nature against culture,

  • desire against pretense,

  • muscle against emotion

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