Category Archives: abstract

Tears of anger





This is one of the center pieces on the body paint I’m working on. It’s a “quetzal”, Guatemalan national bird and Maya sacred bird.

Legend says that during Spain’s invasion to Iximché, the Qui’che fortress city, the brave young prince Tecún Uman was mortally wounded by Spaniard vile general Don Pedro de Alvarado.

When the young prince fell, a beautiful quetzal went to rest over his chest, both died there and since that day, quetzals have their chest painted in bright red. Tainted by the Qui’che Prince’s blood.


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warning: this post is annoyingly personal and contains a lot of the usual lovelylollipop’s drama lol

*sigh*  I’m kind’a back, not really but I feel the need to speak/write something, I have been avoiding it on purpose, mostly out of a huge sentiment of guilt, spiced up with some shame and more guilt 😛

where were we last time?  I think it was when I traveled to Mexico City (I’m from Guatemala) when things started to mix and mess in my real life. Coming back was hard and mostly complex but the change was done and aside of long work hours things were looking okay the first month (october). I came here to fix Zara’s legal status as her dad is mexican and needed to resign custody for me to have the freedom to move around and travel with her… which basically meant she left my country ilegally (dad needed to sign her out of Guatemala but he couldn’t)… we cross the river 😛

anyway, that’s not why I stopped writting/drawing, at first the pause was due to lack of means, I mean, either I had no laptop, or internet acces, then I had no time (two shifts at work) and the lilk time I had, I used to be with family and talk to Leny (text via phone)… but the reason I stopped writting was cuz Leny and I ended up our relationship, and about that, I just have to say that it was all on me and I’m still not over it.

So, I’m sorry about the long pause and I’m even more sorry cuz I’m selfish enough to come back the minute I feel the imperius need to share and write, so feel free to give me the finger and pass over this 😛 seriously I understand and there no harsh feelings 🙂

Zara is great, happy as ever and Lily ended up being a male cat instead of a girl cat as formerly thought, so the cat is huge and he is still named Lily… I’m happy and missing yall as hell.

Lots of hugs to all 🙂


this model will be performed in bodypaint the next May 30 at the 7mo Encuentro de Maquillaje Corporal Fonanbules en el Centro de Mexico Contemporaneo by yours trully. It’s possibly one of the few things I’ve done this past 6 months.  Represents a kite, the theme of the show is “Language ann tongues” and my concept is about the giant kites that are elevated to the sky on Novemeber first in Guatemala, it’s called “Words to the Gods” cuz our kites are used to send “telegrams” either to deities or ancestors in the sky.


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what can one say about blue eyes that haven’t been said a million times before, the feral shine of ice burning through all heart and matter, cuz the love we know, means nothing to his ancient soul that only knows the eternal struggle, the unrelenting fire of a battle that have lasted for eons

the birth of a universe takes time and pain

defending an unknown gate, a treasure no one else has ever saw, under the green sky of an alien cave, from ages before this age, a soft song grows inside a cocoon, a white silky womb keeps the tiny notes safe, flowing and blooming, revolving in their mighty uterus … his treasure, his burden and destination… evolves and drips tingling drops of clarity

and he stands, sword in hand, feeding himself with anger and sweat, forever fighting his violent war because the womb/uterus needs the hostile wound of the sword to keep birthing songs.



no words or just few words

it took it forever for the lil piece of charcoal
to create a shining world, a transparent web made out of tiny fragile beads …
each bead meant a piece of the charcoal, dissolved and carefully crafted,  to make it clear and sweet and beautiful

each bead meant a small but capricious land, 
as if carved out of its own womb, the dark piece of worthless matter, took away from deep inside, minuscule particules, pristine tingling drops of love

on every brush and touch the charcoal tried to conjure all the beauty it never witnessed … on ever bit of salty tears the humble material, tried to give birth to something impossible.

all night was the discardable creature, knitting and singing soft lullabies to the dream it was building, the night was long and the web was somehow magical, the night was protective and the cool of the winds made the strings of tears, dance swiftly and happily

and when the lil humble charcoal was absorbed, fascinated by the gorgeous shine of the dream created, without a single sound, fast and warm as if it wanted to surprise, the morning came and the light destroyed the shivering fantasy in front of the charcoal horrified eyes…

with just a smile the charcoal retreated to its humid cave, because the dream it had dreamt for a summer night, it lasted a second in front of its eyes, but it’ll burn forever in the charcoal’s heart.

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against whisps

hey all, these are four ideological positions of the remaining paradigms within the three ideological archetypes:

  • chimera
  • pheonix
  • whisp

if you emotionally disagree with one of them i hope you check out a ‘responce’ of one of the other ones, it may express a consonant opinion. i’m trying to get some of the major ideological paradigms to fit in the archetypes with as minimal polysemy as possible. i hope you enjoy.


the phoenix flame (phoenix against whisp)

but what about you feeble whisp? Neither you nor your truths are ever there. I make due with what I have available. You condescend about our impurities but vanish to the winds impervious to any resistance to the degree you don’t even seem there. It isn’t so much that you are impervious to talons, but that you are so submissive and weak against them- that they tear through you like you aren’t even there.

What kind of character would be so weak that their opposition isn’t even aware of their existence? You mock my brilliance which you know to be all consuming of your emphemeral vapors casting light like sight upon all the flames survey. But you are barely there, like a thing aether, a fillament within space itself. But what could someone so fragile, unseeable, and untouchable really mean?

You hate pheonix dogma as sublimated superstition without substantiated suspicion. But even as mere felt disposition with no rational base, it is still true to us, so who are you to call it ‘invallid’.


nestled beneath wings (chimera against whisp)

you hate the fierce individualism of the chimera, and how we hoard, But we grow and change and adapt, while your eternal pretence is static- and even if not ignorant- inaccessible and thus without utility.

Who cares if the antidotes prescribed are anecdotes. How is a placebo’s healing less significant? How dare you promote the suffering of others? we are the panacea of sustenance, of nourishment of the body, and you are the cruel god who is always there but never speaks. you are like the phoenix in that you have no compassion or humility- or humanity. you are basicly psychopaths, who deal in absolute truths which can’t show tact or empathy or emotion to situations alien to your experience. you confuse disinterest and impartiality with indifference. you forfeit everything you are, and for what? “truth” ??? “accuracy” ??? give me a break, there is no number large enough to envalue a life, and to try to monetize another’s agency from free choice and ‘random’ chance to causal and deterministic relationships… it just can’t be done. it wrongs us on the individual and collective level. what value is there to privacy, if you don’t have to look to know what i do? is Schroedinger’s cat alive or dead? the knowledge from the defeat of the paradox, doesn’t empower you like certain phoenix believe, and so you aren’t omnipotent by being omniscient, you are just boring form the lack of drama that the state of knowledge has. there can be no wonder, no spiritual value if you simply know the value of a concept like pi, which is why were prefer not to know, for knowledge is the death of wondering and imagination. the better you know a subject, the more limited your mind will be when trying to predict how an even will occur. and with boundless knowledge, the only projection is accurate and the lack of self as possibly being mistaken or confused or intrigued. life isn’t worth living without questions, or curiosity, or drama, or concern. that isn’t life, but immortal deification. so leave us in our ignorance to fight like beasts in the mud over squabbles of mating, and ideological structure. leave us to argue and gamble, and design towers of ignorance- in our own image.

let us choose to believe like the phoenix, or to cherish and adapt like chimera are born to do.  let us assume false ideas to test them. and ignore truths for pretty and preferred lies of style. let us have a culture (phoenix), some truth of yours, but also a deep well of beauty to act as an aquifer for all we may do. we aren’t right, or accurate, but sometimes the delusion of being good enough is more important. it lets dead men survive.

i may not have value but i must have some.


without the glory of righteousness (phoenix on chimera)

you are without definition taking whatever you can to improve. And you are lost in the consequence of mutually exclusive improvements. Your circumstance defines your definition, and you try to please everyone in the need to placate others to favour yourself. not only are you the opposite of the whisps who stand not for anything, you don’t even stand from some meaning greater than yourself like we (phoenix) do- you stand for yourself. you take pride in your accomplishments, and your relative value to others not by what you give to them, but by what you share and experience with them. you treat people as equals by the only way possible, solipsistic apathy. and so you watch the ages go by and the cycle of atrocities continue to be committed and plead for more power and authority which you never use to help others; you are nearly sociopathic. you have no idols, no ideals, no conviction, and your preference is always that of self interest; and often for pleasure or wealth. you plead equality when you are poor, and preferential treatment when you are rich- you are a hypocrite and critically undermined any ideal which included recognition of your existence as anything better than a deplorable fiend.

you are the sum of all problems, and the source of all hardship. from snake oil salesmen to intentional Hippocratic, to general dishonesty to deliberate hedonistic ignorance for the feigned ideal of autonomy. you have no dogma nor allegiance flowing through your veins a corpse of a vessel for any idea. you lack double standards because you lack any standard or conviction or truth outside of yourself, and that imprisons you- it is your mortal coil.

stand up for anything you spineless zombie. allow yourself to have a conviction, to believe something beyond yourself. dropping your scepticism to pick up a greater work than personal rationality. make the world you see better, and that is only possible if you are willing to help change it.


adaptation is panacea (chimera on phoenix)

you are shining delusion, bright beliefs clung to like life-rafts fore a rolling sea of ignorance, breaking wakes of recognition through cult of personality, and adamant idealism.  you can’t admit when you are mistaken or inferior. Your definition defines your circumstance, and your circumstance criminalizes all even yourself. for your lamentation of other’s flaws often from from resonance of your own, and where we adapt and forfeit our faults in earnest to improve- you wear those faults like badges of honour, tokens of monetary esteem, and pledges of academic entitlement. but what does your vacuous sophistry really mean and matter if caught in your ivory dream you forget how the real world works, yet you educate to try to make your better world. as though you can educate without indoctrinating your wide-eyed pupils out of their innocence. but also through giving them social tools, rather than natural adaptations which are extensions of themselves. your gift of faith, and charity, is what causes the ruination.


i was going to write a bit more on each and still may in the future but i’m burning out and would like to put this up while it is still relevant

Turbulence beneath the phoenix’ wings

Turbulence beneath the phoenix’ wings

because any group can be subdivided into any number of subgroups so too can we classify humans. In the below we subdivide twice, there is a division of 1 and 2 from 3 and 4 based on quality of their familiarity on the subject. And secondly there are the middle their intellectuals in 2 and 3, and then the non-middle tier in 1 and 4.

Sentience/authority priority/narcipath (narcissistic pathology) (names are tentative right now)

what follows is a general list of ideological/religious archetype roles within a human communities:

  1. Contextually Educated/scholary, and technically adept. Comprehend an idea expressed by peers or by related ideology study on it’s own terms.
  2. the contextually ignorant but technically aware. These tend to be people with bachelors degree.
  3. the technically ignorant (offering faux-criticism). Sometimes are people actively studying the vocabulary and grammar of the paradigm but are often not.
  4. lay people. Those who really are completely uninterested in the field, and ignorant of terminology to such sufficient extent that they will equivocate or make semantic arguments ignorant of intentional lexical shifts/divergence.

the issue of hate generally occurs when group 3 pretend to be groups 1 and 2 to group 4. group 2 is often the most offended, as they have the least secure ownership over their rank/esteem and in many ways they feel a compelling case could cause them to lose access to the fruits of previous labours. And by extension the political or criticism, is often personal- unless they see the other as an authority of relevance. In group 3 they are still learning allot and don’t have any personal ‘face’ invested in the veracity of the claims, group 2 meanwhile has a tenable authority, which they perceive as challenged when those deliberately ignorant and at the starting stages of group 3 pretend to be of group 1 for authority in their appeal to group 4. they often notice and get angered by the equivocation, it causes an uncanny “am I incorrect about that?… No, you’re incorrect. That is not the case.”

the authority figure offering ‘knowledge’ offers convenient rationalizations to bring the dogma of a demographic together. The rationalizations aren’t true but rather are believable as canon to consider sacrosanct. That is, they all fit together into a paradigm, a religion. This is particularly notable if one compares paradigms which aim towards identical goals like sociology and psychology; they both make exclusive/explicit axiomatic presumptions which cause relative deviation of how they conclude when granted identical data.

And the hate comes from the unproven and fledgling people who perceive the lies as legitimate slander to a layperson audience which they still identify with. So it is ‘them’ telling ‘us’ lies in order to ‘sell snake oil’ to impressionable lay people.

Recently I came to a similar ignoble ‘criticism’ which was comprised of little more critical thought than complaining. And the following is an abstract version of it:

“When it comes to “theta stories” it is always- A theta B. some times it is B theta A, which is isn’t good but it is better as there is no long standing tradition of A or B being represented as having that orientation to the theta relationship, but it still isn’t great.

“What needs to happen when we have a theta myth, which is to not have a theta myth- obviously. Rather than there being a theta trope, B should have it’s own more basal relationship with the world it exists within. Not only is the act of B theta-ing A mere backwards and cheap, but who needs A whatsoever? Why doesn’t B be itself the sole character in it’s own redemption myth?

“A better version of the theta myth would be an epsilon myth. B saves itself and exacts vengeance upon those it considers to have done it wrong. Why aren’t theta myths about vengeance/redemption/epsilon? Why are rescue myths not about vengeance?

Answer time: because then it wouldn’t be a theta myth. It is called a theta myth because it involves theta, as opposed to functioning some other way. It is a theta myth rather than an epsilon myth, because the topic you are mentioning is theta myths rather than epsilon myths. Your argument therefor is tantamount to be a straw man proclaiming a rudimentary false premise to be a flaw of an invalid subject.

Saying you prefer epsilon myths to theta myths is a valid position to maintain. But that isn’t criticism of theta myths. To address a topic you must focus on that one topic, and the things which it causes/influences directly. One can’t really reasonably jump the logical causality and say this one thing has negative implication on this other thing several times removed. And you can’t say one is superior to another without evaluating how both are, which still even more fundamentally requires an analysis of one.

Personal preference, even spoken in earnest, is a weak form of truth. It favours nostalgia, and prejudice, and other self-validating self confirmation. And there is greater truth about the character of those who must overcharge their brilliance through resplendent production value in direct opposition to ideological content. Phoenix, shine so bright you blind people to all meaning, even your own. And when they are crawling in the darkness destitute by your destruction of their capacity to distinguish the implicit meaning and significance of thoughts beyond the tonal and emotive shoulder upon shoulder recognition of a person’s humanity through their intent first and foremost, remember you did this to empower your rhetoric. Remember you chose to force them to be reborn, baptised in the selfish flame of hatred. It’s consumption licking them with sweet rationalizations of salvation, and redemption through service, and – a thin slimy coat of fractal promises entombing them in their smeary egg, without sustenance for them to be ‘reborn’ but rather hatched as you; a phoenix.

luna (expansion, mania)

each character in the heavenly family represents one of the most earth centric heavenly bodies.

mother earth is the center of it all with heaven/clouds rotating around her, and moon rotating around the couple and is in some ways a secondary character to some of the important earth centric allegories.

but she isn’t always a secondary character. she goes through distinct lunar cycles where her personality state changes

phase state
full Mania
¾ doubt
½ nihilism
¼ terror
new depression
¼ hope
½ enlightenment
¾ bliss and amazement
full mania

just and update and prompt if people want to try out some exploration of established imagery.

vessels (and troubles)


I’m having troubles with my mobile app today and haven’t been able to read your blogs and watch your sketches, hopefully I’ll get to catch up soonish.

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You placed tears in my eyes
that sparkled like stars
only to take them way
and replace them with diamonds
You crawled under my skin
bled me dry
captured my soul
and loved me like no other

acrylic and marker

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