I’m feeling muffled by my own self image of myself lol I mean, I’ve always been really sure and clear about my pro choice stance, it has been a certainty to me. I’ve never had a hint of doubt about the right of women to control their bodies, our bodies…

Thing is I’ve been living this “ideal” way too closely lately.  And I’m facing serious doubts about the repercussions “having a choice” is having within my society.

I myself wouldn’t do it to be perfectly honest, but I always thought it was women right to chose, and that I still think it. I still think it’s every women right to decide if she wants to be a mother or not and when she’d want to be a mom. So far I’m still good with it.

But you see, this year only within my closest personal circle (in laws, close friends) I’ve witnessed and accompanied 4 women to get abortions, 4 adults, professional, capable women to the abortion clinic to “get rid” of the inconvenience… And it have wounded me every single time.

I just … I just don’t “feel” it’s right.

Those were lives that could have been full of joy and love… But that’s not what causes me more pain, it’s actually the cold indifference and the lack of struggle I see to take such a drastic measure… It means nothing to them and I guess that’s cool cuz there’s no sadness or repentance, it’s like nothing happened…

So I think I should change my stance on it from “pro choice” to a I strongly support birth control but not abortion.

It’s hard to even think about it. But that’s how I feel 😦

Water colors on notebook page. Inspired by a thought Leny wrote to me few nights ago. Hair filtering what comes out : P


4 thoughts on “Muffled

  1. i think it would kill me to have an abortion. i’m very glad i never was in the position that i had to make that choice. there are other options, is my best thought. however, i cannot make the choice for someone else, no matter my feeling on the matter. if those professional women really had no regrets, then it’s probably best the babies didn’t come into this world. how’s that for wishy washy?
    i’m sorry that you had to go with them. i hope you don’t ever have to accompany another woman on that particular voyage.

  2. I would never be able to do it. Ever. And if I knew anyone who was considering it (I never have) I would do everything possible to talk them out of it and look at other options. It doesn’t feel right.

    But I don’t think we should legislate it. I don’t believe in telling grown adults what they should or should not do, especially when I’m not in their shoes, and especially when everyone’s situation is different. I will almost always advocate adoption over abortion, unless it would literally kill the woman to carry the baby to term. But, although I’d advise, I’d never force.

    It’s a complex issue.

  3. What surprises me is the “cold indifference and the lack of struggle” that you described. From my experiences as a counselor, abortions are very difficult decisions to make. None of the people I’ve spoken with made the decision lightheartedly. I’ve been to clinics before and it’s quite common to see women and couples mourning their loss. Some might not be showing it publicly, but still feel sad inside, and not want to talk or think about it to avoid being reminded of the pain of the loss and feelings of guilt.

  4. philpalm says:

    First I should explain (and sort of rationalize) what I have done and said. I have paid for two abortions and accompanied the girl to the abortion clinic. I was on crack and they were saying crack babies should be taken away (to foster homes)from their mothers! We had one more child (a boy) and the mother was smoking crack up towards near the day the child was born.

    Later one doctor said that the crack babies should not have been taken away from their mothers but that is another topic.

    People play off their true feelings at times. Guys are expected to act macho and some women at times put on their game faces…..

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