Muffled

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I’m feeling muffled by my own self image of myself lol I mean, I’ve always been really sure and clear about my pro choice stance, it has been a certainty to me. I’ve never had a hint of doubt about the right of women to control their bodies, our bodies…

Thing is I’ve been living this “ideal” way too closely lately.¬† And I’m facing serious doubts about the repercussions “having a choice” is having within my society.

I myself wouldn’t do it to be perfectly honest, but I always thought it was women right to chose, and that I still think it. I still think it’s every women right to decide if she wants to be a mother or not and when she’d want to be a mom. So far I’m still good with it.

But you see, this year only within my closest personal circle (in laws, close friends) I’ve witnessed and accompanied 4 women to get abortions, 4 adults, professional, capable women to the abortion clinic to “get rid” of the inconvenience… And it have wounded me every single time.

I just … I just don’t “feel” it’s right.

Those were lives that could have been full of joy and love… But that’s not what causes me more pain, it’s actually the cold indifference and the lack of struggle I see to take such a drastic measure… It means nothing to them and I guess that’s cool cuz there’s no sadness or repentance, it’s like nothing happened…

So I think I should change my stance on it from “pro choice” to a I strongly support birth control but not abortion.

It’s hard to even think about it. But that’s how I feel ūüė¶

Water colors on notebook page. Inspired by a thought Leny wrote to me few nights ago. Hair filtering what comes out : P

Medusa

 

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You will let me look into your eyes and turn your heart to stone.

pencil, marker, plastic crayon

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Self

IMAG6759_20140529092149585“The Place Between Where Me and Reality Begins”
Photo-Manipulation
(Pixlr-Express)

Quetzal’s thoughts

I’m having a bit of troubles with the coloring techniques and materials for my first approach to the bird for the body painting. As you know, I usually do a lot of shadowing to blur sharp lines and mark limits, but I find it complicated to do with the creamy make up spread on skin.

So I changed my first idea a bit and created a new model with cuts (negative spaces) instead of lines.

So this is a sketch of my final idea (without cuts):

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And how I think it’d be easier to do it on painted skin (cuts):

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What do you think? Please note that this are both very raw.

prompt: the cause of inter-human social conflict

 

prompt ‘what is the TL;DR of any major conflict to ever happen?’

turn-over

    people got angry.

    anger turned to violence.

    violence lead to unexpected and deviant abuse/proof of power.

    unexpected abuse created popular confusion.

    confusion begat corruption emulating and reiterating upon the empowered behavior.

    corruption inspired anger.

bow-under

    anger turned to violence.

    violence was placated by bargaining.

    bargains/deals became bankrupt by optimism, and a perception of deception.

    deception leads to allegations of fault.

    fault leads to defensive escalation and scapegoating.

   scapegoating either leads to acceptance of circumstance as due to a specific fictitiously unreliable party which leads to a golden age. or rejection of the established culture.

    culture rejection leads to cultural innovation, tending towards alien/foreign concepts shifting: idealism vs humanism, individualism vs collectivism, and the style of the implementation.

    cultural innovation leads to competition of method capacity.

    competitive method leads to pride in culture.

¬† ¬† pride in culture leads to pushing people to be ‘better’.

¬† ¬† ‘bettered people’ grow resentful and angry

 

… i haven’t posted on here for a while, but i feel this is appropriate. i’m not sure if it is complete or¬†valid. let me know if you find something to add, or if i’m being presumptive and need to take something out.

Quetzal

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This is one of the center pieces on the body paint I’m working on. It’s a “quetzal”, Guatemalan national bird and Maya sacred bird.

Legend says that during Spain’s invasion to Iximch√©, the Qui’che fortress city, the brave young prince Tec√ļn Uman was mortally wounded by Spaniard vile general Don Pedro de Alvarado.

When the young prince fell, a beautiful quetzal went to rest over his chest, both died there and since that day, quetzals have their chest painted in bright red. Tainted by the Qui’che Prince’s blood.

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life

warning: this post is annoyingly personal and contains a lot of the usual lovelylollipop’s drama lol

*sigh*¬† I’m kind’a back, not really but I feel the need to speak/write something, I have been avoiding it on purpose, mostly out of a huge sentiment of guilt, spiced up with some shame and more guilt ūüėõ

where were we last time?¬† I think it was when I traveled to Mexico City (I’m from Guatemala) when things started to mix and mess in my real life. Coming back was hard and mostly complex but the change was done and aside of long work hours things were looking okay the first month (october). I came here to fix Zara’s legal status as her dad is mexican and needed to resign custody for me to have the freedom to move around and travel with her… which basically meant she left my country ilegally (dad needed to sign her out of Guatemala but he couldn’t)… we cross the river ūüėõ

anyway, that’s not why I stopped writting/drawing, at first the pause was due to lack of means, I mean, either I had no laptop, or internet acces, then I had no time (two shifts at work) and the lilk time I had, I used to be with family and talk to Leny (text via phone)… but the reason I stopped writting was cuz Leny and I ended up our relationship, and about that, I just have to say that it was all on me and I’m still not over it.

So, I’m sorry about the long pause and I’m even more sorry cuz I’m selfish enough to come back the minute I feel the imperius need to share and write, so feel free to give me the finger and pass over this ūüėõ seriously I understand and there no harsh feelings ūüôā

Zara is great, happy as ever and Lily ended up being a male cat instead of a girl cat as formerly thought, so the cat is huge and he is still named Lily… I’m happy and missing yall as hell.

Lots of hugs to all ūüôā

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this model will be performed in bodypaint the next May 30 at the 7mo Encuentro de Maquillaje Corporal Fonanbules en el Centro de Mexico Contemporaneo by yours trully. It’s possibly one of the few things I’ve done this past 6 months.¬† Represents a kite, the theme of the show is “Language ann tongues” and my concept is about the giant kites that are elevated to the sky on Novemeber first in Guatemala, it’s called “Words to the Gods” cuz our kites are used to send “telegrams” either to deities or ancestors in the sky.

 

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She’s Sleeping with the Fishes

IMAG4912-1-1_20140405221137486(Acrylic, oil pastel, finger nail polish)

 

He told me he hated cats; they were more useless than fucking pigeons. The corners of his mouth turn up, but only a little.  His eyes are still empty.  He told me that when he was a kid he used to catch kittens and place them in pillow cases to be tossed in the Hudson River.  He would watch them struggle and finally drown.  Sometimes it took a couple hours.  He found it to be relaxing to imagine what it felt like to be them.

He hated cats.¬† Maybe I really was dead when he tossed me into¬† the river.¬† I couldn’t see him through the bag, but he would have waited for me to sink.¬† If he imagined my thoughts of fear, he was wrong. I thought, “I never wanted to be a mermaid.”

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(I love this painting, the photos do not even begin to do it justice.)